The Cost of Living Keeps Going Up
So, I run down to the store for a pack of smokes.
The psychomotor agitation is not too bad today, but I'm still a little twitchy.
This big lug is behind the counter (he's a new employee: this is only the second time I've seen him working there) and he's trying to put some money into the safe...
I'm standing there with a $5.00 bill in my hand (man, cigs have gotten expensive: they were only $1.25 a pack when I got hooked back in 1984 in NYC; now they're $4.00 out here and a whopping $8.00 in NYC), I'm feeling kinda jumpy; lots of bloggin' thoughts swirling around in my head. I want to hurry up and get back home...
The only thing is, they got this fancy safe that has those dollar bill slots on the front, like the newer soda vending machines. This is because the owner probably can't trust any of the employees with the safe combo. This guy's got these crumply $100 bills in his big, sausage fingers, trying to shove them into the finicky bill slots. The safe keeps spitting them back out at the guy. It's as if the safe is saying, "Blech, I don't want your wrinkly money; I demand crisp new bills."
So, I'm waiting there 2-3 minutes (which can seem like forever, for a myriad of hypomanic reasons), I'm getting kind of annoyed, "Why doesn't this guy just take the 30 seconds to sell me the butts so I can split," I think to myself. Finally, I rest my hands on the counter, and my wedding ring makes a very light tap on the counter...
He looks up at me with these kinda dull eyes, yet that kinda drooling idiot grin; looks a lot like Blaster
from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. So, I kinda start to say something about just selling me a pack of smokes real quick...
He starts talking, right in the middle of me talking to him. He's blathering to me about how the bills won't go into the safe, how they're wrinkled, blah blah blah. He's not even hearing me speak. I stop talking, and I'm thinking to myself, "What the fuck is wrong with this guy?!? Doesn't he know anything about customer service?!? No shit, Sherlock; I noticed the bills weren't going in the safe myself!"
Finally, he gets up, giving up on the safe with with a puzzled look. He sells me my 'rettes, and I'm outta there!
This post was written in my head during the 2 minute drive home.
I just had to get it out of my head.
©2005 hpb©reations
posted by Preston @ 9:00 PM
3 Comments:
H:
This is absolutely priceless, hysterical, awesome! LOLOLOL!!
The beauty part? Blogging can be one's ultimate revenge
on all the brain-dead dolts of the world. That poor
sot has been immortalized and even compared to a
famous movie character for all the world to see! Too
bad he'll never know (if a tree, etc.). Unless, I guess, you print it out and present it to him as a tribute the
next time you come by and he's futzing with the
machines and drooling all over himself. That's, of
course, assuming he even still works there--he probably just finally forgot to finish up his business and left all the bills on the counter or something...
Though he actually seems kind of dim, I can't help but feel a little sorry for the boy. I think there's virtually no such thing as a job that's too "lowly" to try to do as well as you can, but man, I sure wouldn't want to have to do that for a living. Actually, my fave raves are folks who are deliberately vicious, self-centered, self-righteous, and usually also dumb as a post to boot.
We still haven't touched on astrology as yet, but Scorpios, like my b/f BG, are known for their powers of revenge. But with BG, it often takes the form of indirect karma. If someone screws him over enough times, he may not openly or directly retaliate, but darn if the person doesn't fall on hard, hard times eventually. I mean, rationally, that's probably just 'cuz their scumbag ways finally come back and bite them in the ass anyway. But as I always like to say:
Living (and blogging) well is the best revenge.
and, of course, as Russel Crowe said in Gladiator:
I will get my revenge in this life OR the next (if a
tree, etc.)
E,
It's all about the blog. If I print it out and show it to him, I'm moving it out of the cyber-realm.
Maybe someday he'll find the story himself online; maybe he'll know it's about himself, or maybe he'll think he's laughing at some other poor sot.
Yes, I fully believe in Karma; I'm not really sure if it applies in this situation though. You're right, he was just doing his job, so that's actually good Karma for him.
In closing, let me ask you this:
Are you not entertained?
H:
LOL!!
Yeah, I didn't mean to put down the guy. He's probably doing the best he can. I never heard of a system like that anyway where you have to put all the wrinkly bills in the machine. Must suck.
E
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