The Art Snob
About two weeks ago, my wife, her brother, Jim, and I went to Ojai for a neat little art show.
Their dad, James Wilson, was showing a bunch of his new Pastels and some of his Plein Aire pieces. We went to show him some support.
Jim and I were wandering around checking out all the cool work from various local artists. We came across this one exhibit by Kirk Lowry (see the "Gallery" link at the top of the page). He had all kinds of swirly, trippy paintings:
Jim and I especially liked these long boards that had been covered with different colored paints twirled together and then covered with some kind of resin or epoxy to give them a shiny finish. They were awesome! (Kirk, you've got to get some of those pieces on your website)
Jim started saying how they looked like an effect done by one of the tools in Photoshop. I recognized what he was talking about, but could not remember the name of the specific tool in Photoshop at the time (often a temporary problem of the BP).
About 2 minutes later, I came across another booth with photos by Daniela Raiti:
She had some really cool little cards and prints of her photography. I immediately noticed that some of her work used the feature in Photoshop Jim and I had just been talking about.
I asked her if she "Photoshoped" her pictures. She took on this defensive tone, and she informed me that she only used a single image but manipulated it with effects in Photoshop. (She was very difficult to understand - partly because she had a strong foreign accent, partly because of my hypomanic hearing, but mostly because she really had no idea what she was talking about.)
I explained that I had just been discussing the effect she was using in her photos, but I couldn't recall the name. She condescendingly said to me, "I don't use any tools or effects; I use special filters." I replied, "Oh, you use third party software to produce these...?" She told me, "No, it's a feature included with Photoshop." Ahh, OK. I asked her, "What's the name of the filter?"
She kinda whispered to me, "That's my special secret."
What a snotty bitch!
Fine, Daniela, be that way.
Hey Everybody!
The name of the filter she is using to produce the effect is called "Twirl".
You can look it up in the Photoshop help, but I'll make it even easier for you.
There are two ways you can make Twirl happen in your pics:
1. Open a pic you want to Twirl; Go to the menu and click on "Filter"; scroll down and click on "Liquify"; in the window that pops up, choose the "Twirl Clockwise Tool" button or the "Twirl Counter Clockwise Tool" button on the far left. Play around with it - have fun with it!
2. Open a pic you want to Twirl; Go to the menu and click on "Filter"; scroll down and hover over "Distort"; on the sub-menu, scroll down and click on "Twirl"; this one allows you to Twirl the whole pic or a selection made with the "Marquee" tool.
Here's a sample I made from the first pic at the top of this post:
Play around with these tools. Now that you all know the "secret", I expect demand for Daniela's photos to plummet. After a few hours of messing around, most of you will probably be as good as, if not better than, Daniela.
The funny part is, I really liked some of her work and was considering buying a piece; she just killed the sale with such a snobby attitude.
BTW, her website design sucks.
First off, she uses Microsoft FrontPage 2000 (version 4.0). (Come on Daniela, they're up to FrontPage 2003 (version 6.0) now; it's time to move into the 21st Century) This is a tool of the Devil.
I won't even go into how wrong it is to use Flash on your Splashpage if you're trying to beef up your hit count; her website is difficult to navigate; the end user can only look at one pic at a time; the pics are not compressed for more effecient use of Bandwidth on the Internet, thus they take a longer time to download; the pics aren't adjusted properly for use on the web - I had to adjust the one shown above to bring out the rich colors; everytime the end user clicks to go to the next pic (should have used thumbnails, Daniela), the whole page reloads - next time, try using CSS or ASP; the backend code is way too complex for the simple website that it really is; remember the web programmer's mantra: KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid). All around, a pretty crappy website, especially for someone touting herself as a "Web Designer".
Daniela, for the Information Architecture services, I'll only charge you half price; you can PayPal me the $250.
©2005 hpb©reations
posted by Preston @ 4:19 PM
7 Comments:
H:
As always, LOL! Wonderful use of links...I strive to do likewise now, following your example.
Thanks for the public service. Yeah, Daniela sounds like quite the little art a-hole. From my limited experience with artistes, esp. up and coming (aka "emerging") ones, there is definitely a lot of defensive snobbery. Much like newbie writers, they are not yet secure enough in their craft to be generous about other's work, or to react graciously to praise of their own.
I had two close encounters with those quirky artist types. One frequently showed at the "alternative" gallery where BG participated in a group show. He is not a household word, but is active in the LES downtown art scene, and has the good fortune, though his ability and drive, to be able support himself thorugh sales of his art via his little storefront studio and his fab website.
I had signed my first e-mail to him as Elvira Black, artist's rep for BG, because that's what I basically was--trying to get BG some exposure. When he wrote back again, he asked me what my rates were, because he was looking for a rep himself.
At first I said I wasn't really a rep--BG was my only "client." But in my hypomanic state, I thought it over and decided perhaps we could have a "Vito Corleone" type of business relationship--a favor for a favor type of thing. He was also a talented illustrator, so I thought perhaps he could do something along the lines of what BG subsequently did for me--add some cool graphics to my stories. In turn, I would share my marketing "expertise," such as it was; perhaps do some features for him, write some brochure copy, maybe even co-curate a show (yeah, that old hypomania had me in its spell). I'd reviewed a few art shows in the past, and thought I had it all going on.
All went well at first. I interviewed him via e-mail and then in person about his personal and professional background. As long as the focus was on him, he regaled me with long and detailed answers to my questions. But if I tried to interject a little about myself, he pretty much ignored it.
He admitted that I probably had more to offer him than vice versa, but he liked my collab ideas, and would be interested in working with me.
Then I realized I didn't want to pursue the mostly thankless task of promoting an artist who was already doing just fine and dandy. I didn't have a blog as yet, so I really didn't see much need for illustrations.
Nevertheless, I gave him many many marketing tips. Shared any info I had. But when I indicated that there was really not much else I felt I could do for him, the e-mailing stopped pretty much--except for the occasional request for info.
When I got my blog up and running, he was furiously sending out CDs to galleries in a publicity blitz campaign, which I had, I believe, helped him to realize at least in some initial way by pointing him toward sources of info on appropriate galleries to approach. So at this point, he was much too busy to do any illustrations for little old moi, and sent me a very brief little e-mail, along the lines of "yes, I am swamped--no can do."
Must say his new and improved website looks fab. I'd offered to include a link to his site as part of the caption of any work included on my blog, which I thought was a pretty good deal. But he just wasn't interested in me really at that point--I'd given him all he really needed.
Perhaps I am being too harsh, but I was miffed at what I saw as the lack of camraderie and recipocrity involved.
I considered posting a link to his fab site anyway, but was kinda holding out in case he one day had time to add work to my site.
What do you say, H--should I include a link at this point anyway, in the interests of generosity and good will toward artists everywhere?
My other close encounter will be detailed elsewhere-either in another comment here or on my own site. For this jerk, I think I will include a liink to his site so people can come and mock him mercilessly.
Damn Henry...
Thats rough exposing someones secrets like that for all to see. I get tired too of the snobby fucks around our little area too. Makes you just want too... Well, never mind that.. Anywho, always entertaining.
Dammit... I typed a whole big diatribe on the appalling phenomenon of artists who use fairly simplistic modern day techniques (using computer graphics, etc) - but who insist on maintaining that their "art" is somehow superior to those basic techniques.
I'd rather have an artist own up... "Yeah, I created that using a base image of a water lilly one evening... it was dark and I was drunk on absinthe and there was a thickening gray fog materializing out the window.... and in the end, this piece represents the tortured soul within a chaotic environment.."
Or something, you know? That is art... whether it's created with a photoshop filter or a crayon.
But when the conversation is more like; "I don't USE that, and MY technniques are SECRET..."
Well, personally I find my bullshit detector wailing in full alarm mode.
I hope this works this time, without me losing all I've typed again. I'll just try to post anonymous instead of registering...
Keith
Elvira:
You know I love the comments, baby.
I'm sorry for your experience with that Soul Vampire, but you should of course provide a hyperlink to his site. The context it's in is another story, though. {heh heh} Actually, I was disappointed there was not a hyperlink to your "Alternative" Gallery Hell post , nor a hyperlink to your Annoying artiste assholes. Gotta pimp yourself out, baby!
For me, the difficulty lies in deciding what NOT to hyperlink. They're everywhere. It's cyber, baby!
Schmimmet:
Sometimes, the truth hurts. Glad you enjoyed, and stop by again.
Keith:
LOL Thanks for the comment. I wish more of my "analog" friends would leave comments, or even stop by for a visit....
Yeah, my BS Meter was red-lined the moment she got all defensive about using Photoshop. It's a legitimate tool for artistic creation; why's she so uptight? Maybe she knew she didn't know what she was talking about, and she was afraid I would know it too...?
Thanks again for the comments and I suggest using the "Other" choice for leaving comments in the future. You can just type in a name and hyperlink; works great!
Brink:
Like I was saying to Keith, Photoshop is great for creating art; so is Illustrator. However, when you are using them, there is nothing secret about it. All the features are there for anyone to use. I've always received friendly assistance with Photoshop and other computer related topics from cyber-friends, like Goat Boy. Daniela was my first experience with digital art snobbery. Yeah, most idiots don't know when to shut up.
Be the media whatever, the main aim of the artist must be to spit out whatever is pushing to be born of them, few are humble enough to admit that what they did was simply filling this need to make room for new ideas to flourish, fewer are humble to admit that they didn’t make it all by themselves, but had the help of masters to guide their steps, or that their fame is more because of having the right theme at the right time in the right place. Then you have the *ss holes who are not really artists of anything but moutharrhea, where those who want to seem “in” will swallow any bu11*sh*+, and shell out big bucks for the piece made by swabbing his *ss in brown paint and, after sitting on a white sheet painted a red circle in the hole and called it a ‘Cosmic Orgasm’. So all I’ll say is to be a good artist, be true to your creation, share it with the world (or those who have eyes to see it and soul to understand), the rest is in fates hands, the gentlest hands of all.
Glad I got on your good side :) Nice blog... thanks for the kind words. I've been reading the rants... I mean comments about asshole artists... enjoyable to say the least... I think I escaped without a scratch. As I told you at the park... I've been working on my resin paintings a few years now, and explained my secret process... step by step to everyone who asked... I'm glad I did!
hahahahha! Daniela rocks!
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